The noble art of hoarding

I decided to clean my room yesterday. As in properly, to a ridiculous degree. As in organising every single one of my shelves and alphabetising my DVDs. Yes that's right, I suddenly found myself getting a little bit OCD. At the end of it all, I looked around and realised that despite my organising and tidying, my room was still filled with shit I really don't need, and don't think I ever will need. Why do I keep all this useless stuff? Because I'm a self-proclaimed hoarder, that's why.

5 useless things I still can't bring myself to throw away

5.The box that my aftershave came in
So this would be fair enough (kind of) if I actually kept the aftershave in the box when I wasn't using it. But I don't. I keep this box on my shelf for no other reason than that someday in the distant future I may be called upon for some ridiculous reason and of course it'll be imperitive that I kept it. 
Why the fuck has it not been thrown out?
I think I'm a bit like a magpie in the fact that I am drawn to nice looking things, no matter how useless they might be. The box is really nothing special (it's, errm, just a box) but there's just something about it that I really like. Maybe it's the outer sleeve that is removed to reveal the inner box whose design perfectly replicates that of the aftershave bottle? Fuck knows. But it's obvious that I'm not gonna get anything at all from keeping it. Especially since all the writing is in French. Oh but I did learn that 125ml is the equivalent of 4.2 fluid ounces. Which, you never know, may come in handy. 

4. Broken Pens
Thousands upon thousands of broken pens lie untouched in my desk draw right now. And I know for a fact they are broken; I tested each and every one of them when I was cleaning my room. I put the working ones in the little pen holder on my desk, and the broken ones went straight back into my fucking draw.
Why the fuck has it not been thrown out?
Apparently part of me believes that these pens have some juice left in them and one day when all my other pens have been lost (it happens surprisingly often) I will be routing around in my draw and find a broken one which suddenly, as if by magic, will start working again. This is of course assuming that I actually remember that they were broken in the first place. Honestly I'll put pens somewhere and keep going back to them forgetting that literally minutes before I discovered they were broken. I guess I'm just a little bit too much of an optimist for my own good. Like a child who thinks their goldfish is just sleeping.
That or when the zombie apocolypse happens at least I'll have a few pointy objects to ward them off with.

3. Pieces of paper with nothing other than scribblings or pointless doodles
I almost (it's not quite full. Yet) have an entire draw dedicated to this. There's something about old doodles and spolied lecture notes that is quite nostalgic, but the reality of it is that I'm never going to need this paper ever again.
Why the fuck has it not been thrown out?
 I can only imagine that oneday I'll be laughing and joking with old friends about fun times back at uni, and then someone will say 'Oh hey, remember that amazing picture I drew of the lecturer with the fucking massive mole?' and I'll jump and exclaim 'I STILL HAVE IT SOMEWHERE' with some sense of pride.
Then I'll go rummaging around in my special draw while my friends look on in embarrased astonishment and then it'll turn out that the doodle in question really isn't that great, and probably better of preserved in our memories.

2. Plastic bags
Again, I pretty much have a draw completely dedicated to a whole range of plastic and paper bags. Muji, Primark, Zara, Sainsbury's, Waitrose, Ikea - you name it and it's sitting there in bag form in my draw collecting dust and will probably never see the light of day.
Why the fuck has it not been thrown out?
I think originally I was planning on going green and saving the planet by keeping all these bags for when I go shopping. Then I realised that whenever I go shopping I walk, and walking down to tescos with a handful of plastic bags just looks a little odd to be honest. Also it's not just the flimsy little ones I keep, but the big sturdy ones which actually do come in handy every now and then for taking washing down in or some other arbitrary requirement. What really stumps me is why I keep paper bags. There's one from Abercrombie and Fitch in my room at home which i got when I went to california like 4 years ago. I guess I kept that one for American souvenir nostalgia, but that really doesn't explain the 5 or 6 primark paper bags folded neatly in this little draw of mine.

1. Almost every single free thing I got at Freshers Fair
Freshers  fair was great; the amount of free stuff I got was insane. Things like inflatable football, frisbees, pens (which are sitting broken in my draw) and mountains of paper. This was about 5 months ago now, and I still have nearly all of it dotted around my room.
Why the fuck hasn't it been thrown out?
Ok you know tose frisbees I mentioned early? I have 3 of them. Two are exactly the same advertising some housing company or other, and the third is a shitty little fabric one that folds up into a little case. Keeping one would be perfectly understandable - frisbeeing is great fun in the summer - but come on, three? That's just mental, yet I still cannot bring myself to throw at least one of them out.
I mean at the very least I could give them to someone else. But no. Three frisbees for me.
Oh I also have schedules of activities that went on in freshers week and therefore are completely redundant and stupid. And yup, they too are sitting in my draw.


Oh and even after I've posted this, I'm still not gonna do anything about it. That just doesn't happen with me.