The noble art of parenting

There's a lot in the news recently about how to be goo parents, featuring childless politicians shouting at mothers for giving their son an ice cream, or asking for fathers to be arrested when they express any type of negative emotion within 700 metres of their child. We'd like to think that, considering the majority of people these days have grown up to be law abiding, sensible adults, that we may know a thing or two about what's best for children when they're growing up. But sometimes parents are oh so wrong...

5 'good' parenting techniques (that will end up ruining your child)

5. Forcing them into a sport or activity at a young age
All parents want their children to get off to the best start in life by developing a skill or ability early. What they don't realise, is that this 'best start' will result in lost youth, and various personality issues.
Competition has always been about showing who's best in a certain discipline, and there is nothing at all wrong with competition - in fact it has been proven to make us better people. Sometimes though, parents take this idea of competition far too far. A common example of this is American beauty pageants aimed at children. Crazy mothers believe that by parading their daughter up and down a stage whilst similtaneously sabotaging all other entrants is a good thing for them, and will teach them a valuable lesson in life about how sometimes you have to fight to get what you want and how poisening a 10 year old is a perfectly reasonable thing to do in order to achieve. 
However, all this pampering and being taught how to crush opponents at such a young age is most definately not a good thing. This kind of thing is most common in America and it's been found that children exposed to this kind of behaviour are affected later in life by a skewed view of the world, and a belief that as long as they have sport in their life, they never have to work. The whole American 'jock' mentality is actually a load of socially and emotionally stunted boys who only know how to pass a ball. On the flip side, your pageant queen daughters will become extreme perfectionists who have developed a deep seated resentment and hared of you, their mother.

4. Teaching them to 'Just be yourself'
Everyone has experienced at least once at school the kid who sits at the back of the class, wearing his tie on his head and making monkey noises while he scratches holes in the desk with a pencil. This is the kid whose mother told him time and time again 'Don't worry what anyone says. Just be yourself and people will love you for who you are.' This is also the kid who gets beaten up in the playground time and time again for bringing a purse to school. The problem here is that to a certain extent it is important to be yourself because obviously we don't want to all be exactly the same. There is a fine line, however, between ignoring the bully who says your nose is too big, and being unable to run from said bully because you're wearing clown shoes and carrying a purse. 
It has been shown that children who are exposed to some amount of peer pressure at around 11-13 actually grow to be more socially well adjusted adults. This is because at some points in our life, it is necessary for us to follow the pack and obey the status quo. Humans didn't get where we are today because we all decided to shun the norms. In fact the caveman who decided to walk outside in the middle of a storm because his head didn't have enough lightning in it probably ended up fucking dead.

3. Warning them about strangers
We all had talks in school about 'stranger danger' and to just say no to the man who offers you sweets out the back of his van. It makes logical sense to be wary of people like this, because they're probably mentalists or pedophiles. There reaches a point, however, where this emphasis on watching out for anything out of the ordinary can ruin a child for life. Teaching children to associate anything out of the ordinary with kidnap or murder will inevitably turn them into xenophobic bigots. By adulthood they'll most likely have racist attitudes toward towards any ethnic minority and negative emotions towards literally anyone. Imagine trying to make friends when as a child your mother told you that every new person you meet could potentially rape you.

2. Making them seem like they can do no wrong
In this day of extreme political correctness, it is now frowned upon to act negatively toward your child in any possible way, even when it draws on your walls, pisses on your dog, or stamps on your kitten. Primary school teachers get it worst - they are no longer allowed to write negative comments on reports or school work, only 'suggested improvements' So basically it goes 'Next time, Sammy, you could try not smearing your paper with your own feces. Maybe? Please?'
Now obviously we need to give children credit where credit's due. Even small things like not spilling their drink at dinner, should be praised to encourage behaviour and attitude. When you're praising kids for things their doing wrong, or just really really badly, you make your kid believe it can do whatever the hell it likes and that that's the best thing ever. Unfortunately that's not the case. In sports especially; if you're telling your child that they'll be a pro footballer in no time, when actually they're terrible, then they'll grow up thinking exactly that. Despite unbelievable superiority complexes, they'll probably end up working at Macdonalds, flipping the best god damn burgers you've ever tasted. 

1. Letting them know that germs can and will kill them in their sleep
You'd be a naive idiot to believe that we are safe from bacteria or germs in any kind of environment (other than a vacuum) however you'd also be a naive idiot to believe that the presence of these germs will result in certain death for you and your child unless you all live in a plastic bubble and disinfect your eyeballs. An adage my mother says time and time again whilst complaining about these days of political correctness is 'you have to eat a pack of dirt before you die' basically suggesting that getting dirty means having a better life. And as ridiculous as that may sound, there's actually some truth in that.
The numbers of children these days who have some kind of allergy or intolerance are through the roof compared to what they were in our parents generation. One theory of this is that as parents are becoming more and more harsh about what their babies shove in their mouths, the children's body are not growing to develop defenses against certain natural bacteria or germs, and this is resulting in intolerances. This, when you think about it, makes perfect sense. If a babies stomach can stand having worms, dirt, even the odd poo every now and then, think how much the body will have learned to deal with these things later on in life. Not allowing babies to explore with putting things in their mouth can avoid them swallowing or choking on things, there's no denying that, but it also means that their body is not building it's natural defenses as it should.


There's also the fact that if Freud was right, then deny them things to put in their mouth when they're babies, and you're children will grow up to be chronic alcoholics. Have fun dealing with that